In my earlier blog titled “Parenting is Tough” I mentioned the term Dignity of Risk in passing. The more I think about it, the more I feel that I need to do a separate blog on this subject.
The definition of Dignity of Risk is “the idea that self-determination and the right to take reasonable risks are essential for dignity and self-esteem and so should not be impeded by excessively-cautious caregivers, concerned about their duty of care.”
This is an important philosophy that a lot of caregivers are neither familiar with nor able to live by. The people who I am targeting with this blog are parents of younger children and children of elderly parents. I am going to give you an example for each;
Example 1: a mother who wouldn’t allow her 15-year-old son to catch a bus to school because they fear that “something” might happen to him.
Example 2: a son who wouldn’t let his elderly mother go to the shops on her own because he fears that mum might have a fall.
Both are actions borne out of love. And most times it’s the justification that we give for not allowing somebody to do something. What we need to do though, is to ask an important question before we restrict someone we care about from doing something that they want to do. That question is
am I really doing this for the person’s benefit or am I just doing it to reduce my own anxiety?
When we are not used to adding this extra thought while providing care, this will feel very unnatural and sometimes downright scary. It may even feel like we are not being a responsible care giver.
So what are the benefits of allowing somebody you care about to take risks?
The benefit to them is that they are allowed to live life (because a large part of living is to make your own decisions). This is great for their self-esteem. Another benefit is, and scary as it may sound, it allows them to problem solve when things don’t go right. This is great for their resilience.
One day my son asked me to film him while he tried to go down the steep ramp at the local skatepark. I shook so hard inside and even more so when I had him on film falling hard! But the smile on his face after it happened… priceless! And that’s the other benefit, it strengthens your relationship with them because they know that you trust them to make the right decisions and if not, you’ll be there for them when they fall. The benefit to you I will discuss in another blog.
Give it a go sometimes. Before saying “don’t’” ask first “why not?”. See what it does to your relationships.
Take care!
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